August and Ian

Well here it all comes again. Every year, as Ian's birthday approaches, he's in my mind even more than usual. I think back to all his other birthdays in his lifetime, and each one since he died, but I also reflect on my life now, and how he would fit into it. With every new friend I make, and important person that comes into my life, I get a stinging feeling knowing that they won't get to meet Ian. But a good friend recently told me that he feels like he knows him, because of all the stories I tell, and the picture I've painted about who he was. I find comfort in that somehow. Knowing that I am still doing a good job of keeping his memory alive is very important to me. But I can't help imagining what life would be like these days with him around. Now that I live in LA again, I know that I would see him a lot, like I see my other brother Josh. Ian would be so supportive of my band, and he'd be friends with my friends. He would probably try everything he could to get our songs into the movies or tv shows he was working on. He would recruit friends to our shows and brag to anyone he could. He'd still make fun of me and tease me whenever possible, and tell me to stop being the "fashion police" when I'd make a comment about his wrinkled pants or mismatched outfit. He'd be goofy Uncle Ian to baby Stella, Ben and Elliott, Josh and Emily's kids, my kids. In some way, he still is. Because we don't let go of all these memories. We don't stop talking about him. So on August 6th, what would have been his 32nd birthday, we'll celebrate him and his life, and have a drink in his honor. And live it up, like he did. He'd be happy to know we're all happy and having fun. So that is what we will do.