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Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Things I Try to Avoid While Walking in or Around my Office Building
1. Old Man Polyester’s Cologne.
2. My Gawky, Weird, Blonde Stalker.
Old Man Polyester:
He’s pretty classy. I’d say he’s about 70-75 years old, and he walks with a bit of a strut. Every time I see him, he’s wearing really nice slacks – very 1970s. The guy rarely smiles, but I just think of him as all business, all the time. But he wears more cologne than anyone I’ve ever been around. He must take a bath in it every day. I know when he’s been in the hallway and in the stairs, or in front of the mailboxes. His cologne lingers like a house guest who has overstayed their welcome. It lingers, and then it punches me in the face. Every. Day.
My Gawky, Weird, Blond Stalker:
I’m not sure how long ago it was that I started seeing this guy around my office building. But I slowly starting noticing his intense staring. Now, I’m not one of those girls that thinks every guy is after her, or everyone’s always staring at her. But I’m pretty sure this guy has a giant crush on me, and he is very awkward. And his skin is very pale and his hair is very blond. This sounds like I’m being mean, but I feel the need to say that there is a slight creep factor to this awkward fellow. If he sees me coming down the hall, he suddenly gets really nervous and says, “OH…” I give a “Hey”, and walk on by. Or he just stares at me while I’m in my car in the parking lot. Last week, he actually broke the ice. As I was getting the mail, I saw him coming. “Uh oh,” I thought, “Is he going to speak to me?” Ugh. He did. His line? “Jeans on a Wednesday?” I couldn’t understand what the hell he was talking about for a second. OH. I’m wearing jeans at work and he thinks that’s weird/funny/interesting. “Yep. Pretty casual at my office,” I said. He replied, “I’d get skewered for wearing something like that.” Skewered. After a few minutes of talk about casual wear at work, I was finally back to my office door. See ya! Guess what he talked about the next time I saw him? My casual outfit. “Wow, so casual again today…jeans, a tank top, flip flops…” Hey, remember that Wednesday a week ago when I said that my office was casual? It still applies. He wears a white collared button-up shirt and blue slacks every day. Like Ronald McDonald, he wears the same thing every day, and I think he may have 100 pairs of blue slacks and 100 white collared shirts in his closet.
These are things that I attempt to avoid every afternoon. I’d rather not suffocate on Old Man Polyester’s cologne. I also rather not suffocate in the trunk of my gawky, weird, blond stalker’s car. I’m sure I’m over-reacting, but I like to be cautious when I can.
2. My Gawky, Weird, Blonde Stalker.
Old Man Polyester:
He’s pretty classy. I’d say he’s about 70-75 years old, and he walks with a bit of a strut. Every time I see him, he’s wearing really nice slacks – very 1970s. The guy rarely smiles, but I just think of him as all business, all the time. But he wears more cologne than anyone I’ve ever been around. He must take a bath in it every day. I know when he’s been in the hallway and in the stairs, or in front of the mailboxes. His cologne lingers like a house guest who has overstayed their welcome. It lingers, and then it punches me in the face. Every. Day.
My Gawky, Weird, Blond Stalker:
I’m not sure how long ago it was that I started seeing this guy around my office building. But I slowly starting noticing his intense staring. Now, I’m not one of those girls that thinks every guy is after her, or everyone’s always staring at her. But I’m pretty sure this guy has a giant crush on me, and he is very awkward. And his skin is very pale and his hair is very blond. This sounds like I’m being mean, but I feel the need to say that there is a slight creep factor to this awkward fellow. If he sees me coming down the hall, he suddenly gets really nervous and says, “OH…” I give a “Hey”, and walk on by. Or he just stares at me while I’m in my car in the parking lot. Last week, he actually broke the ice. As I was getting the mail, I saw him coming. “Uh oh,” I thought, “Is he going to speak to me?” Ugh. He did. His line? “Jeans on a Wednesday?” I couldn’t understand what the hell he was talking about for a second. OH. I’m wearing jeans at work and he thinks that’s weird/funny/interesting. “Yep. Pretty casual at my office,” I said. He replied, “I’d get skewered for wearing something like that.” Skewered. After a few minutes of talk about casual wear at work, I was finally back to my office door. See ya! Guess what he talked about the next time I saw him? My casual outfit. “Wow, so casual again today…jeans, a tank top, flip flops…” Hey, remember that Wednesday a week ago when I said that my office was casual? It still applies. He wears a white collared button-up shirt and blue slacks every day. Like Ronald McDonald, he wears the same thing every day, and I think he may have 100 pairs of blue slacks and 100 white collared shirts in his closet.
These are things that I attempt to avoid every afternoon. I’d rather not suffocate on Old Man Polyester’s cologne. I also rather not suffocate in the trunk of my gawky, weird, blond stalker’s car. I’m sure I’m over-reacting, but I like to be cautious when I can.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Lauren’s Random Thought of the Day
The contraction “let’s” means “let us”.
Let us work together on this.
Let us go to dinner.
Let us walk across the street.
But sometimes if you actually want to use the words “Let us”, the contraction does not work.
What if you and a friend were kidnapped? You’d say, “Let us go!”
You couldn’t say “LET’S GO!!” That just sounds crazy.
Let us work together on this.
Let us go to dinner.
Let us walk across the street.
But sometimes if you actually want to use the words “Let us”, the contraction does not work.
What if you and a friend were kidnapped? You’d say, “Let us go!”
You couldn’t say “LET’S GO!!” That just sounds crazy.
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