The Simple Things

It’s been almost five years since my older brother Ian died. September 13^th, 2004. I don’t like to dwell on that day, but around this time of year, I can’t help but think back to a couple days before he died. A good memory. One that will stay with me forever.

As I had done for many days throughout his stay, I sat in Ian’s hospital room all day, hanging out and keeping him company. The next morning, he was getting out. It had been two long months, and he was ready. For the last two days, he had been questioning the nurses and doctors; when, when, when, when, what time, when. That day, September 9^th, we joked around a lot. He was feeling better. He was eating. And he was excited to get out of that hospital bed, and hospital gown; out of that bleak room and into the comfort of our brother Josh’s house.

I was moving the next morning, so I had to drive back home to San Diego that night. I told him I was sad that I couldn’t see him be freed of the hospital chains, but I was so happy to be there with him on his last night. For the last few weeks, I had been reading The Da Vinci Code, which was one of Ian’s all-time favorite books. He had read it four times, as he liked to tell everyone. I was almost finished with it, and while he would nap, I would read. Throughout the course of the evening, friends and family would pop in to say hello, nurses would come in to say goodbye, and I sat beside him, reading his favorite book. He checked on me often, making sure I was still enjoying it; wanting to see all my different reactions to the unexpected twists and turns and newly unraveled mysteries.

Two of his (odd and slightly obnoxious) friends came in to visit at around 9pm. The two of them talked over each other constantly, like loud squawking birds. Justin, the motor-mouth of the two, had constant foot-in-mouth syndrome. I’m not even sure that he had the mental capacity to realize when his foot was in his mouth. He would still keep talking, no matter how many feet were in his mouth. So here we all were. Justin and Armand on one side of Ian, and me and Dan Brown on the other. I could tell that Ian was anxious, and just wanted the time to pass, and he remained fairly quiet, watching TV. Justin would make an unfunny joke, and Ian and I would simultaneously say, “Shut up, Justin!” which would make him silent for about twenty seconds, before he picked another argument with Armand. Any time the two arguing birds would become too loud or say something really stupid, I would look up at Ian. He would give me a little sideways smirk, roll his eyes, and shake his head. I would laugh and continue reading. It was getting late, and my reading was somewhat frantic, as I became determined to finish the book while sitting by Ian’s side. Finally, the raucous birds left when they saw Ian drifting in and out of sleep. He would sometimes pretend to be asleep when people came to visit, so that they’d leave him alone and not ask too many questions, and then, once they were gone, he would comment on the conversation we were having while he was “sleeping”. His trick worked on his annoying friends. His focus shifted to me as he looked at me worriedly and said I shouldn’t drive home too late. I had a two hour drive ahead of me, and it was 11pm. I told him I was almost done, just a few more pages. He said, “It’s good, huh?” I nodded. A few minutes later, I had finished the book. We both felt a proud sense of accomplishment. I packed up my things, said goodnight and “I love you” to sleepy Ian, hugged him tight, kissed him a couple times on his fuzzy head, and walked out of the Sylmar Hospital forever.

As I walked to my car that night, I felt light and free. I always hated leaving, knowing that Ian was there alone, but this time it felt different. Ian was going home.

I, of course, had no idea what was to come in the next few days; had no idea that the night I sat beside Ian reading would be the last time we would hang out.

I don’t like to think of him and how he looked on the day he died. I like to remember this night, and how we were, brother and sister, laughing, talking, joking. Feeling free.