Change

In just over a month, I've ended a 7 year relationship, moved out and into my own apartment for the first time by myself, and my best friends have had their first baby. Crazy crazy times. I've talked before about people being afraid of change. Sometimes you think that extreme change is going to make you feel better (i.e. getting engaged), and sometimes you're so afraid of it, that you stay in what you know, unsure of what the other side will look like. Right now, I'm pretty happy with the other side. That's not to say that I wasn't happy before, or that I have any regrets, because I really don't, but I did ignore my own heart for a long time. And that's a little bit sad, because it makes me realize that I think people do it all the time. We are comforted by the safety of the known, even if it's not always what's particularly best. I'm still here thrashing around, making my way through the unknown, but quite happily so.
I love my apartment. I love hardwood floors, even though I'm not used to walking on them yet. I half thud and half tip-toe. Feels weird on bare feet. I love how they look but I don't love dust. So I sweep more than I used to, and that's a good thing. And the room still a little echo-y, so I find myself whispering when I'm on the phone and in my apartment by myself. I love my curtains, even though they're wrinkled. But I don't iron. I guess I should start. I need a trashcan, a rug, a desk, a kitchen table. I need to re-upholster my bar stools. Hem the kitchen curtains. And put up art. Little by little, change is coming.